Minimalism / Travel
The Hidden Force That Shapes How You Feel About Success
PAYSON WICK | FEBRUARY 24, 2025
Why do two people earning the same salary feel completely different about their wealth?
Imagine two friends, Alex and Jordan. Both make $80,000 a year.
Alex lives in a city where most people earn $50,000. They feel successful, secure, even a little ahead.
Jordan, on the other hand, lives in a high-status social circle where people make six figures. They feel behind, struggling, almost inadequate.
Same income. Completely different experiences.
This is social relativity—the idea that our sense of value, success, and even happiness is shaped not by absolute measures, but by how we compare ourselves to those around us. It’s not about what you have, but who you measure yourself against.
This isn’t a modern phenomenon. History is full of examples of social relativity shaping human behavior, often in ways we don’t even recognize.
The Social Field: Einstein’s Lens on Status and Gravity
Albert Einstein revolutionized physics with his theory of general relativity, which reframed how we understand gravity. Instead of seeing gravity as a simple force, he described it as a curvature of space and time caused by massive objects. Planets, stars, and black holes don’t just sit in space—they bend the fabric of reality around them, shaping the movement of everything nearby.
Social relativity works the same way.
In any given society, industry, or community, people don’t exist in a vacuum. They exist within a social field—a landscape of power, status, and influence that bends around them. Just as a massive planet distorts gravity, high-status individuals, trends, or cultural forces warp the perception of success, shaping how everyone else navigates their path.
For example:
A small business owner might feel successful in a local community but insignificant in a high-profile startup scene.
A mid-tier actor in Hollywood might feel like they haven’t "made it," even if they have more fame than 99% of people.
A social media creator with 100,000 followers may feel invisible in comparison to those with millions, even though they have more reach than most people will ever achieve.
Status and success, like gravity, are relative. Just as space bends around massive objects, our perception of our own achievements bends around the people and environments we exist within.
The more attention and power something holds—whether it’s a celebrity, a trend, or a certain way of life—the more it warps the expectations of everyone caught in its orbit.
This is why we often chase things not because they have intrinsic value, but because their gravitational pull is too strong to ignore.
The Social Wake of the Inca Empire
The Incas built one of the most sophisticated civilizations in history, structuring their empire with precision—both physically and socially. Their rule extended across vast Andean landscapes, connecting diverse cultures under a single, hierarchical system. Power wasn’t just about military might; it was about influence, infrastructure, and control over perception.
Much like Einstein’s theory that massive objects bend space-time, the Inca elite—led by the Sapa Inca—bent the social field around them. They controlled access to resources, dictated labor through the mit’a system, and set the standard for success, status, and survival. To be in the emperor’s favor meant prosperity; to be outside his sphere meant struggle.
But the wake of the Inca Empire didn’t disappear when the Spanish arrived—it left behind a gravitational imprint that still distorts social relativity in Peru today.
Walk through Cusco, and you’ll see remnants of two worlds: massive Incan stonework forming the base of colonial Spanish buildings. This layering is more than architectural—it’s symbolic. The descendants of the empire still live in the wake of a system that shifted but never fully dissolved.
Indigenous communities, once at the center of power, now often find themselves pushed to the margins in the modern social hierarchy.
The perception of wealth and success is still shaped by echoes of European influence, blending with indigenous traditions in a complex, evolving identity.
Tourism has become a new kind of social gravity—foreign visitors seeking connection to the past, while locals navigate a system where history is both a source of pride and a commercial force.
The Incas, like all dominant social forces, created a center of gravity so strong that it continues to shape perception centuries later. Even as power structures shift, the field they created still distorts the way success, heritage, and status are understood in modern Peru.
Just like Alex and Jordan in our opening example, people in Peru don’t measure their wealth, identity, or success in isolation. They measure it against the ever-present weight of history—the social relativity left behind by one of the greatest civilizations the world has ever seen.
And then, almost overnight, the market crashed. The same bulbs that once sold for fortunes became nearly worthless. People hadn’t just lost money—they had lost their sense of social positioning.
This pattern has played out time and again: in the Gilded Age competition for the biggest mansions, in Silicon Valley’s obsession with startup valuations, even in the modern rush to own luxury watches, handbags, or NFTs. The objects change, but the force remains the same.
Why Social Relativity Matters Today
It explains why:
A millionaire can feel broke in a room full of billionaires.
Someone with a small but engaged online following feels invisible next to influencers with millions.
A car that once felt luxurious suddenly seems outdated when parked next to a newer model.
We don’t measure success, wealth, or status in isolation. We measure it relative to our environment.
And the modern world makes this even worse. Social media bombards us with highlight reels of people who seem to be doing better—traveling more, earning more, achieving more. Algorithms push the extremes, making it feel like we’re always one step behind.
If left unchecked, social relativity can create phantom desires—things we chase not because we truly want them, but because they seem necessary to keep pace with the people around us.
Breaking Free from Social Relativity
You can’t completely escape social relativity—it’s wired into human psychology. But you can manage it.
Change Your Reference Points. If your comparisons make you feel behind, reassess who you're measuring against.
Focus on Absolute Gains. Compare yourself to your past self, not an external benchmark.
Curate Your Inputs. If certain media, people, or environments constantly trigger feelings of inadequacy, adjust your exposure.
Define Success on Your Terms. If your goals are shaped by comparison, ask: Is this what I actually want?
Recognize Phantom Desires. If you feel the urge to chase something, pause and ask: Do I actually want this, or does it just seem valuable in my current social context?
Step Outside the Strongest Gravity Wells. If a particular space is distorting your perception of success, consider stepping outside its influence—whether that means changing environments, taking a break from social media, or surrounding yourself with different people.
A Final Thought
In an absolute sense, Alex and Jordan are the same. But in a relative sense, their realities feel completely different.
The same was true for the Dutch tulip traders, for Gilded Age elites, and for modern entrepreneurs chasing the next big thing.
And just as Einstein showed that gravity is not a fixed force but a field shaped by mass, our perception of success is not absolute—it is shaped by the status fields we exist within.
The question is—are you living by your own measures? Or are you letting social relativity shape your perception of success?
